I want to break free
I want to break free
I want to break free from your lies
You’re so self satisfied I don’t need you
I’ve got to break free
God knows God knows I want to break free

                                                                                 Queen

I was in class ten at the time and I was involved in a lot of things-be it sports, music or academics, I was doing well for myself. But that was before I started dating Rahul.

Rahul and I met at chemistry tuitions. I thought that he was an introvert and after almost a year of knowing each other, we began dating. I was very pleased with myself. Finally, even I had a boyfriend.

In class ten, having a boyfriend was a big deal. All your friends gossiped about it and you had an elevated social status if you had one. The idea of my friends gaping wide-eyed in awe and envy was an exciting prospect in itself and to top it off, I had met someone that I really liked. Ideal scenario, right? WRONG.

 In the beginning it was all hunky dory. I was delighted to have a boyfriend who I thought needed me as much as I needed him.

After about six months of dating him, I realised that he was controlling me completely. He was vegetarian and he wanted me to give up meat. I did so, albeit very reluctantly. He didn’t want me to wear skirts “because other boys would be ogling at my legs” and “no self-respecting girls of good families wore skirts”. Going out with friends was a problem “because I wasn’t spending enough time with him” and talking to other boys was forbidden. One of my closest friends at the time was a boy-someone that Rahul had introduced me to. His name was Vikram and he and I shared the exact same interests.

Even though I knew Rahul hated the fact that I spoke to Vikram,I continued with our friendship. One day,Rahul found out that I was still talking to Vikram and accused me of cheating on him. He also told his friends that Vikram was “stealing his girlfriend” away from him.

I called up Vikram that night to apologise. Vikram told me that it was time I stood up for myself. If I tolerated Rahul’s nonsense any further, I would be domineered for the rest of my life.

Although Vikram had been one of my closest friends,I could not bear the thought of criticising Rahul in front of him. “Don’t wash your dirty linen in public,” Rahul had once said. “Good Indian girls don’t do that. If you do it, I’ll never love you anymore.”From then on, I had stopped telling Vikram about any problems that I had with Rahul.

That night however, I blurted everything out to Vikram. I told him how I hated myself and how I didn’t recognise myself anymore. I told him how Rahul  had called me selfish and insensitive. I also told him about my severe bouts of depression, how I didn’t love myself anymore and also about my low self-esteem.

At first, Vikram was outraged to hear about the treatment that had been meted out to me.

“There is only one thing to do, Reeti,” he said “It’s your life and you can’t go on living like this. If not to me, at least admit to yourself that you’re miserable. Don’t be in denial of that.”

That night, as I sat thinking about my relationship, I realised that it had done me more damage than anything else. I had gotten into the relationship thinking that it would be an enriching experience. Instead, all I did was feel bad and depressive. Sometimes, I even felt suicidal and had thoughts of hurting myself. What had I gained out of the relationship except anguish and agony?

I pondered over this for the entire night and realised that it was about time that I took a stand on the relationship.

I met Rahul the next day and garnered enough courage to break up with him.

At night, he called me up and sobbed uncontrollably over the phone. I felt terrible. After all, this was the boy that I had loved.

The following day, we got back together.

As the days went by, I realised that Rahul got more and more incisive. He abused me and called my family names, he disapproved of my friends and finally it came to a point where I could take it no more. I thought about the time when he had almost forced himself on me and when  tears had streamed down my cheeks and I had begged and pleaded him to stop, he told me, “But I’m your boyfriend. I have a right to do this.”I had felt mutilated, and yet I was helpless.

One day, I read a story in a teen magazine, and the story was similar to mine. The girl had been continually abused by her boyfriend and she couldn’t muster the guts to stand up to her boyfriend and break up with him. She also mentioned the emotional blackmail and the ploys which her boyfriend  had tried to employ in order to get back with her.

This nameless, faceless girl had a story to tell. And that story helped me. It helped me because I realised that there were others, who, like me had suffered the same plight. I was like a bird trapped in a cage. And this girl had had the courage to break off with someone who made her life miserable. So why couldn’t I?

And then, I picked up the phone, dialled Rahul’s number and broke up with him.

It’s been two years since I broke up with Rahul and I can safely say that I’m a much happier person now. Although it’s really difficult for me to relate this tale to everyone, the only reason I do it is to make other teens like myself aware that this can happen to them as well.

The lure of love is lethal-we all want to be in love and know what it feels like, but do be careful and try understanding the person before you commit to a relationship.

If you’ve made a mistake and picked the wrong person, admit to your mistake and break up -don’t continue a relationship just for the heck of it-trust me, it can be a harrowing experience.

 So what happened to me after that?

I’m nineteen years old now and Vikram and I are still as close as ever. I’m in a loving caring relationship now, but I’m never dominated over and more importantly, I’m never abused-either physically or mentally.

I don’t feel angry about what happened with Rahul. I only feel sorry for him and can only hope that he changes with time.

I’m also thankful to all my friends who were my tremendous support system. All I feel for you guys is a sense of deep love. Thank you for being there for me.

                                      Reeti Roy