“We have lost even in this twilight.

No one saw us this evening hand in hand

While the blue night dropped on the world.

I have seen from my window

The fiesta of sunset in the distant mountain tops.

Sometimes a piece of sun

Burned like a coin between my hands.

I remembered you with my soul clenched.

In that sadness of mine that you know.

Where were you then?

Who else was there?

Saying what?

Why will the whole of love come on me suddenly

When I am sad and feel you are far far away?

                                                                                  Pablo Neruda –“We have lost even”

“So is this it then?” I said, in an almost inaudible whisper, fervently hoping that my question would go unanswered. “Yes,” said Ahir, “this is where we part ways and pursue our separate dreams. “So does this mean you want to break up?”I said, asking the inevitable question. “No,” said Ahir. “We will not. We will still be together. So what if we can’t be together physically? I know that I will still love you as much.”

We were having this conversation at the airport. Ahir was leaving for the States and I was staying back to pursue my education in India. As I hugged him for the last time before he left, a lump appeared in my throat, and my lashes were wet with tears unshed.

When I came back home and thought about it, I realised that a herculean task lay before me. Maintaining a long-distance relationship was no mean feat, and most people who were in long distance relationships eventually broke up, saying that it was “too much pressure” to actually carry on with them. Even random people I asked clucked their tongues in sympathy and said, “Oh, you poor thing, that’s the hardest way to be in a relationship.”

Ahir and I had met at a friend’s place last summer, and it had been a whirlwind romance. Within weeks of knowing each other, we were dating. Since we belonged to the same Social circle, we had common friends and our friends expressed concern. Ahir would be leaving in five months time and they thought that it would be best if we didn’t date. That way, it would save us both from all the hurt that we would have to go through if we got closer and closer. At first, we took their advice. We were adamant not to get into a relationship, but we both realised that it was impossible to not admit to a feeling that was quite obviously engulfing us-a feeling of deep, intense love.

That summer, apart from experiencing a myriad of emotions together, we also formed an indelible bond. We would browse through books in bookstores together, read T.S.Eliot and Stephen Hawking with equal fervour, taste the ‘batata puri’ and ‘phuchkas’ (both of us preferred an extra dash of lime in our street foods) and we both loved Japanese graphic novels and anime. We both loved the same Hindi films and English ones. We enjoyed Rang De Basanti as much as we loved ‘Bourne Identity’.

Slowly, the days passed by swiftly and the thing that I was most scared of, happened-Ahir had to leave. At first, both of us were in denial of the fact that we wouldn’t get to see each other for at least eight months. When we did accept the fact, we thought that the best thing to do would be to break up, simply because of what everyone else had told us.

However, when we sat down to think about it, we realised that we’d rather experience everything and make our own mistakes than regret the fact that we didn’t end up together simply because we were mulling over what “could have happened”

We’ve been together now for almost six months and our relationship is sustained mainly over the telephone and the internet. Not a day goes by when we are not thankful of technology and of having found each other.

A long-distance relationship, like everything else in life, brings with it a fair share of trouble. The important thing is to deal with the trouble and to battle all odds in order to overcome them and most importantly, it’s important to stand up for what you believe in. I miss Ahir every day, and every day I wish that he was here with me, but I also appreciate what we share and experience and cherish the pleasure and joy of being with someone that I truly love.

I believe in him. I believe in me. And I also believe in “us”

Ahir and I are both aware of the difficulties that come with a long-distance relationship but we are both willing to put in our best efforts. But we also know that despite our best efforts, we may not end up together. But at least, we won’t wake up one morning, some thirty years from now, and say to ourselves, “How I wish I had done things differently.”

Reeti Roy